Overthinking at its best

We all have to be good at something. I am an award winning over thinker. I can literally sit here and think until I am as exhausted as I would be after a marathon. I have so much to do, but am mired in my own mental muck. I have things I want to do, but would gladly choose a nap over pursuing any of these things. I am tired of the pursuit. I am weakened from the thoughts assaulting my heart and mind. I know that if I got something done, I would feel better, but motivation is elusive today. I think I may just go lay my head down...just for a little while.

Beautiful

I am grateful for the snow.

There is something about being alone, with the lights off and the snow falling silently outside. It is good to be alone with your thoughts, concerns and hopes when the whole world seems to be quiet with you.

Outside it looks like diamonds- Inside I feel like diamonds.

I have been doing a lot of contemplating lately. Remembering moments from my history marveling at how different I have become. I don't know if I would stamp myself "Improved" but I am most certainly different. I feel, think and behave differently.

I'm ready for new things. I have let go of anchors that have held me so tight for so long. It feels good.

It is a bit frightening at times- to go peacefully. I have always run on fear. I still hold loads of fears and insecurities. However, they do not run me. I have other things that fuel me now.

I heard or read something some time ago. It could have been weeks or months, I don't recall. Something that said I should do what I believe to be right.

Regardless of what others may think or how they may judge, I should just do what I feel is right.

I have been practicing that- it is awkward, foreign- wonderful. I may feel uneasy for a moment, but each day, when I see myself either in physical or mental reflection I feel good about me and what I stand for.

I spoke with Nicole Lawrence today, and old friend from Kansas City, we had a nice little reunion. It reminded me of an incident that happened many years ago. It is not a moment I am proud of, but I was lost- somehow. I am not sure what transpired to make that change, but I don't miss that girl- not at all.

Tonight I long for the quiet; to let the snow fall outside and imagine that the whole world is quiet with me.

My life is good. I feel beautiful- in a variety of ways. Tonight that is all I really need.