Strength

I am so pleased at my amazing strength. I was sort of unaware that I had it in me. This has been a rough couple of months- finding out my mom is terminally ill and then losing a relationship that I had hoped was going to go the distance.

I am proud of myself because I have handled things with strength and dignity.

I flew my butt out to Alabama and took very good care of my mom. I handled whatever was needed of me, I comforted her and spent time with her. I did all of this in the face of being ignored completely by someone I very much cared for. I did this for her and it was good.

She is doing better and taking her treatments well. I plan to see her in April.

Yesterday, the ex wanted to "vent" to me about a problem he is having with the woman he left me for....really? I am a big hearted person and I reached out to him and was supportive of him. Only to be ignored as soon as he got it all off his chest.

How would it ever seem OK (to him or myself) to want support from the girl whose heart is broken about the girl he decided was a better option? I thought it was OK I guess because I wanted some link to him, why he thought it was OK, I will never know.

I don't have to do that. I can love people in a million different ways and I can support people in the way I desire. However, I do not have to drag the pain out. I do not have to let the selfishness of others hurt me. It does not make me less of a loving person to protect myself.

I have learned a valuable lesson in moving forward and letting go.

I can honestly say that right now in my life I am happier being single than I have been recently in relationships. I am thrilled with the things my friends and I do together. I am thrilled at my strength. I am happy to just be alone and on my own. It is good.

As much as I love anyone and want to help anyone- I have to love me the most. I do, I am worth it and it is OK for me to be the most important person right now.

Yesterday hurt but I learned something from it.

H