Shrinking

Indeed- I am shrinking- in more ways than one. For starters, I have lost 25 lbs since the 1st of January. I plan to make that an even 40 by the end of the school year. I have gotten rid of at least 1/4 (prob more) of my personal belongings. I hope to have that down by even more by the time we move. It feels good- it feels very good. The theme of this blog is "I just want to be happy" I don't know how I could have ever thought I could be happy with all that physical and emotional weight surrounding me both on my body and in my house. This has been a very eye opening experience. I don't know if it was "cleansing" but it as certainly clarifying. I cannot believe that I ever tried to "get better" or "get over it" or "move on from my past" without cleaning out this house. I had to dispose of a lot of memories and items that held memories and/ or emotions. It as good, but I have a lot of guilt I am lugging around with me. My physical environment has been cleaned up, but my emotional environment is trashed. I need to figure out how to work with the feelings of guilt, sadness, and desperation left behind the wounds in my heart. It is true what they say- that letting go of the "stuff" doesn't take away the memories. Now I must focus on cleaning up that mess- i am not sure where to begin, but I do feel like I am at the perfect place to start- man I wish I was meeting with Julianna today....