Christmas

Ah Christmas, one of the most wonderful and heartwrenching times of the year.

My dad got sick in November, I recall the first, sad, sad Christmas after his diagnosis. Now this year, mom's diagnosis left us feeling just as fearful and empty as we were 11 years ago.
I guess sometimes there really is a silver lining. I have spent the last 3 weeks giving back to my mother some of what she has given me. What better way to thank someone. I am always wanting the love I give to be given back to me and I've had that opportunity, to give back, this past month. I will continue to give- all that I have.

During this time I have had an amazing time bonding with my niece. I have always adored Christrina. She is unique, smart, funny, beautiful. This trip, however I got to see another side of her. She is a young woman of amazing character and sensitivity. She is mature beyond her years and she has made this whole situation much better for me.

We had a wonderful Christmas, Christi and I spent days preparing. We cooked, cleaned, wrapped and made gifts, it was beyond fulfilling. My mother actually squeeled with delight over some of her gifts. The house is spotless and we are all happy and full. We (Christi, Trina, and I) ate dinner together (Chris was napping due to the flu and mom had to eat in bed) then we ended our night playing Train. I love Trina, this was the first time in many years we just chilled together. My brother was great and cleaned and put in home movies. I love you both.

I have a great family. I am so blessed. We are all nuts, and we stick together, that is really important. With a blended family that is so difficult, but I feel as though I have two wonderful families. I am sad about the circumstances. I am sad I have not done more to make every Christmas like this, not just in light of a tragedy. I want to build a wonderful family of my own, just like mom did.

What a wonbderful and heartwrenching Christmas. I am glad I got to be a part of it.