We went to see the surgeon today to have mom's staples removed and get the pathology results. The cancer is actually breast cancer that has spread to her colon. She had breast cancer in 1988 and 1994. 16 years later it spread to her colon and is going to kill her. That is so heartbreaking.
I have decided to go home for a while. I really don't want to, but my mom says she would like me to go home because she wants me to be able to work so we are not in a financial bind. She says she would prefer for me to come back when she gets sicker. Of course, I want to be with her when she is well. I am torn, but I booked my ticket back home on Saturday.
When I get home, I am going to get my bills paid, and talk to my landlords about staying on a month to month without a lease for the time being. I am going to watch my pennies and save to come back at a moments notice and talk to the district about what my options are for taking leave. I need to get this all figured out, but I guess for now it is best to come home. (beautiful doubt)
I am beside myself about the whole situation. I am unsure what to do and I hate leaving, but I guess it is the best course of action for right now. She goes to the oncologist on Thursday and maybe I can get a better picture of things then. Ugh.
I never know when I am making the right decisions and honestly I make the wrong ones all too often in life.
I am really not sure how this is going to change my life when I get home. I know I will never be the same and I am not sure how that will translate in the day to day. I don't have a lot of faith in the things surrounding me right now and I hate standing on this unstable ground.
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