Update #2

Well, mom was moved out of the ICU today and given solid foods. She will be released from the hospital by Wednesday. From there she will be going to a rehab center (nursing home) until she is strong enough to move herself into and out of bed and until the pain from the surgery has subsided. She was super cranky and extra cantankerous-if you know mom, you know that means she is on the mend. The grumpier she gets, the sooner she will get herself healed up and home.

The most frustrating thing is that a year ago she went to the ER with severe stomach pain. At the ER, she was given a CAT scan and the Doctor told her it was "negative". Well, I suppose it WAS negative for whatever he was looking for, but the surgeon says the scan shows OBVIOUS thickening of the lining of the colon- an early indicator of the type of cancer she has. So instead of dealing now with advanced stage colon cancer, we could have been dealing with something much easier to treat. I don't know what that would have done in terms of her prognosis, but it is devastating to think that it could have been easier on her, that it could have been treated more effectively, that we could have more time with her. She wants to get a lawyer and I understand her anger. I just cannot believe that this was missed...I am beside myself right now with this news.

I am doing ok today. I am feeling fairly optimistic about her situation. I still feel like my timing is all wrong. I am unable to do anything to help her and she won't even be here for at least a week, maybe more. Now the sick leave I took will not be available if I need to come back. I guess I need to stop letting it drive me crazy. I had no idea what I was coming into. I am so frustrated and not quite sure how to make it bother me less. I would have been beside myself with worry, but the main thing is that she get what she needs- I hope I can do it.

I just got off the phone with Ryan, he reminded me that me being out here is not about what I can DO for my mom, that my mere presence is what is needed. Thanks Ryan, I really needed to hear that <3.