Disappointment

I find myself struggling with disappointment once again.

At work, I am giving my blood sweat and tears to my program. I work every day, every night, and every weekend. School gets the majority of my physical and mental energy each week as well as a great deal of my emotional energy. Everyday, there is a constant cacophony of bitching in my ear: students, parents, co-workers. I told my kids the other day that negative comments are like throwing a rock in a pond. It has a ripple effect and touches everyone around them. How am I supposed to teach them to stop whining and do something about it when many of the adults around here are blatantly modeling this bitching behavior? How am I supposed to squelch this constant negativity when I am not given the proper tools I need to do my job successfully. I have run into a road block nearly everyday since this school year started. I have mustered my way through, but I can feel the exhaustion gripping my mind, heart, and soul. How long will I be able to hold up under this level of demand?

My personal life is not much better. I have devoted a great deal of care and energy into a person who has a lot going on in their life. A person who needed the support and even expressed appreciation for it. However, it is a two way street. While my problems may not be as big as his, I am important too. I need support on occasion. I don't need much, just someone to talk to. I just need someone to listen to me- the way I listen to him. When I requested that, it was not possible. When he did try to listen, there was no way I could open up. Nothing like rejection to sink me deeper and deeper into myself. Texts and emails go ignored. I understand he is dealing with stuff, but I really could use a friend too.

I am at my desk- it is lunch and tears are just streaming down my face. Tears of exhaustion, frustration, and rejection. I really need some rest. I really need some TLC. I really need out of here. I have almost made it- just a little further.