Everyday my body gets better

Ok, I really don't believe that. If anyone else truly knew the extent of the self- loathing when I look in the mirror....

However, maybe if I tell myself this every day my mind will believe it and my body will follow suit.

Tonight is my first weight watchers meeting and I am excited. I like that my meetings will be mostly on Wednesday because by wednesday I am ready for the week to be over and I feel the meetings may inspire and motivate me. While I am excited to start, I am a little apprehensive. It seems a little like AA for eaters. Am I a foodaholic? Probabaly. Eating breakfast has really helped me throughout the day.

OK- since I am just getting started on this, I think the first couple of things I should do is write out WHY I want to lose weight and what I am going to do about it. I hope that by doing this periodically, I will keep myself motivated and be able to track my progress. Of course, I could just write this all down in a journal, but I am putting it on the internet maybe as a little cry for help. We can't do everything alone. I am really bad about that. I am, in some areas of my life, a very independent, strong-willed person. There are other areas in my life in which I am highly dependent and I know that is one of my problems in the grand scheme, but I will save that exploration for another day. Anyway, my natural inclination is to do this all on my own in my little bubble. However, I know that is not the way I wil be most successful so that is the purpose of the blog.

OK here are the reasons I want to lose- some of them are shallow- forgive me, but I have never claimed to not be a shallow person (just another of my many juxtapositions).
I am 33 years old and my knees and hips hurt- a lot- all the time.
I don't have a single article of clothing that looks good on me. Well, except my boots, but if my pants or skirt don't look good, what is the use in looking good in boots?
I have a pretty face- you just cant really see it anymore. I see pictures of myself and I want to rip them up, delete the, whatever.
I have cried on 3 separate occasions getting ready to go out with my honey. I have a gorgeous bf and he loves me for who I am. I am thinking he is no more of a fan of me crying before we leave the house to go out than I am.
I feel like crap. Everyday. All the time. I want to just "rest" and "relax" I have no energy. None.

Well, I don't have time to outline my plan right now...hopefully later today.

My transformation is not ALL about weight loss but it is the one thing I am focusing on right now, so for a while that is most likely all I am going to talk about. (sorry)