Gotta give some background on this one. The first time I heard this song, it was the Smashing Pumpkins version. It immediately resonated with me and made me think of my poppy. This was BEFORE I discovered the wonders of Fleetwood Mac. When I heard Stevie Nicks belt it out and discovered she had written it for HER daddy- well, wow that is pretty amazing. Those who know me well would not likely be surprised that I can find a connection between myself and Stevie Nicks. This song meant so much to me. When my dad got sick and later succumbed to his illness (Brain cancer) the song became all that more important. I wouldn't call it my favorite song....who can name a favorite song!?! But it truly is a song of my life.
I miss my daddy. That is a key to this whole "Getting Happy" quest. I have to deal with his death. I have to say goodbye to him and cherish the lessons and memories he left with me. Ten years later, I am still in denial. I just miss him and every day I don't know how I will survive the challenges I face. However, I do. I do because I have a lot of people who love and support me. I do because my parents gave me skills to cope. The lessons of my childhood and my own determination make me who I am today.
Please take a moment to listen to these lyrics or google the song. This is how I feel about my dad. I don't know that it will translate out loud the way it does in my head, but if you want to know why I am on this journey, this outta help. I am thankful I had him- what a lucky girl.
Lyrics to Landslide by Stevie Nicks
(This is for you, Daddy.)
I took my love and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
'Til the landslide brought me down
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Mmm Mmm... I don't know... Mmm Mmm... Mmm Mmm...
Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too
So...
(Guitar solo)
I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I, I´ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too...
I'm getting older too...
So, take this love, take it down
Oh if you climb a mountain and you turn around
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring you down, down
And If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well maybe... The landslide will bring you down
Well well... the landslide will bring you down
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Heather, I too experienced the earth shattering pain of losing my daddy. Mine was forty-one years ago in a car accident, but when my brothers and I get together and talk about it you would think it was much more recent than that. Losing my dad was probably the hardest thing I have had to go through, but it has also helped me to see my Heavenly Father as the truly loving father that He is. As the years have gone by, I have been able to embrace and trust in His love for me. I'm so very thankful that my earthly father's death helped me come to the faith that I have today, that God's timing of calling my dad home was part of what has made me who I am today. Didn't happen in a decade or even two, but eventually it did.....I love you, Cindy.
ReplyDeleteIt's fascinating how you wrote this entry the same day I wrote an entry about my dad. Cosmic synchronicity!
ReplyDeleteMy dad is still living, but I lost him to his cocaine addiction when I was a child. The personality changes that happen to someone who uses cocaine are incredible and everlasting - even when the person stops using. I don't think my dad has used in more than a decade, but my daddy is still gone.
I also lost him to his greed and obsession with money. He "excommunicated" me a few times when I was younger because he didn't want to pay child support. And finally as a college student I had to cut him out of my life - I finally refused to be repeatedly abandoned, and then used when he'd play "drop in dad".
I still mourn the loss of my dad. Once upon a time he was pretty amazing. And what I love is all the amazing things I learned from him, just because he was being himself. Those are the things I can hold on to, and treasure, and share with others.
Anyway, you didn't write your entry so that you could hear about _my_ dad, lol. I just wanted you to know that I'm connecting with you on this. It's a different story with the same ending.